reckless thinking.

have you ever hurt someone so deep not only once but twice or more?
becasue of reckless thinking on your part and thus, regret it thereafter?
I have, and twice.
and the person i'm remorseful to is someone very very dear to me, my mummy.

To mummy:

Mummy, I'm sorry for misunderstanding you. Sorry for saying all those
harsh words to you without letting you explaining first.
yesterday you took off so that you can go out with me but in the end
i said i don't want to go as i'm still sick.
today you took off again but in the end i didn't keep my promise to
go out with you once again.
not only did i break my promise but i also yelled at you saying that
you aren't responsible as a mother and that you don't care whether
i'm sick or not.
but in your mind what you actually wanted was mother-daughter time.
because it's either i'm home and you're not
or you're home and i'm not. so we don't spend much time with each other.
i'm busy with work, friends and school.
you're busy with work and catching up with friends too.

this morning before my ears hurt, i told you that i'll bring you to a shop at
cineleisure. and you happily said "okay!".
and then you told me happily that you'll bring me to a very nice restaurant for lunch
afterwards.
if only at that point i can realize how badly you want to spend some time
with me alone, i wouldn't have said all those harsh words to you.
i really regret saying all these stuffs. this is the 2nd time saying harsh words
to you. after the first time, i should've controlled my words but
blame it on my reckless thinking, this happened again.
words can be taken back but the amount of hurt caused can't be taken back.



this time i truly have learnt my lesson.