what has gotten into you, demi?? like, seriously!

i seriously do not know what has gotten into me..
but i've been kind of paranoid ever since baby told me about
he gg overseas with his guy friends this coming july.
for a girl, being paranoid when the bf is gg overseas with
other ppl, without her, is a normal thing.
but being over-paranoid? nah nah! not a good way to let him go.
and now, my mind is slowly going blank cos from the start,
i already decided to let him go..with a clear and happy mind.
i want him to enjoy himself there, seriously!
but just a little part of me can't bear to let him go by himself..
maybe just because i'm over worried for him that anything might
just happen without notice..and he can't take care of himself well..
and i feel tt if i'm there, at least there's my this pair of eyes looking over him.

am i being too selfish? thinking about my own feelings only and not his too?

i really wish to accompany him there.
but there's a few reasons which i decide not to.
because of school, money-prob, personal stuffs and also for me to
go to a place like redang island where what you mostly spend your time on is
water sports and only that, it's simply not worth it. :)
i don't like the sea.
so in the end i still want baby to carry on with this trip.

but...
this stupid mouth of mine, just said some stuffs to baby again
about his redang island trip, which makes him think twice, think thrice whether
to go or not.
and thinking back, why did i say all those???
just feel like slapping my damn mouth a million times right now!
what the heck did you say all those for, demi?!
i want him to go happily, without worries, and here i am, making him
confused whether to go or not to go..


to hell, all these thoughts of mine!