Daddy.

Tomorrow's Father's Day.
For the past 8 years, if I'm not wrong, I never celebrate Father's Day.
Some personal reasons, Daddy isn't staying with us for these past years.
Never heard anything from him or about him until recently.

My aunt saw him at a Home for those with Alzheimer Disease.
Alzheimer Disease occurs mostly to aged people and it causes them to
lose memory or age backwards or both.
Unfortunately, Daddy has both.
He doesn't recognize or remember anyone and he acts like a child, carrying children
books everywhere.

So far, only Mummy, Grandma and Grandpa has gone to visit him.
I heard all this stuffs from Mummy.
Till now, I haven't gone to visit him as I'm busy with school and work.
I really want to go visit him but each time I'll ask myself: "Are you ready?"

To suddenly receive this kind of news that your once healthy, doting Daddy
has Alzheimer Disease and has completely forgotten you and those times you'll
have spent together before.
To know that you'll never be in his memory ever again.
To know that he'll treat you as a stranger when you go to visit him.
To know that he'll never be your Daddy anymore.
To know that you can never get a response even if you look at him and call him Daddy.

When I heard the news that my Daddy is found, I was very happy.
But when the answer is that he has Alzheimer Disease and forgotten almost everything,
it's like a sharp knife stabbing into me so many times.
Why would a healthy man become like this? Why???



Message to my Dearest Daddy:

Daddy,

I know you won't be able to see this message.
But I just want you to know that you'll always be my precious and
one and only Daddy. No one can replace that place in my heart.
Thank you for the times where you took time off from your busy schedule to
drive me around shopping, exploring this little sunny island. :)
Even though I always ask you to bring me to the same place, the pet
shop at United Square, you will never get bored and won't say no.
Thank you for buying me whatever things I want.
Thank you for doting on me the most out of all your 4 daughters.
Thank you for giving me part of your genes that lots of people thought i'm Eurasian. :)
Thank you for leaving such fond and happy memories in my mind.
Thank you for always taking pictures with me and this family.
Thank you for printing out those photos and writing little notes behind each
piece of picture, those precious words.
Thank you for bringing me to this world.
Thank you for being my Daddy.
I will always love you even if you don't recognize me
or don't have any memories of me being your daughter.
Sometimes I tell myself that you're a bad person for leaving us,
but deep down in my heart all these words aren't permanent.
What's permanent is that You are still my Daddy no matter what.

Loving you always,
Your Baby Girl, Demi.

This song is dedicated to you Daddy...

Words I Couldn't Say

*Finished writing this post at 11:11pm, missing & thinking of my Daddy.*